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Dear Dad, Thanks for what you have done for me in the last 38 years. It's because of what you have done that I have achieved whatever I have today. But Dad, do you know that because of your authoritative style, I do not dare tell you how I feel? I have to pluck up the courage just to write this letter. I'm not sure how you would react to it, but I just want you to know how I feel deep inside. I know that whatever you do, you always have my interests at heart. But Dad, do you know that there is actually a generation gap between us? Increasingly, I feel that you do not understand me and the way that you love me is not the way that I really want. Since I was young, you have imposed many strict rules on me for fear that I would turn bad. I remember that a few months ago, Brother America beat up little brother Iraq. A few of us did not like what we see and wanted to protest. But you said no, saying that everyone in the family has his or her own opinion and, if we were to demonstrate, we would ruin the peace and unity in our family. Outsiders, too, would have a bad impression of our family. Dad, what is so wrong about having a small protest? We just want to make our views known. Must our family be so peaceful and have no problems whatsoever? I think too comfortable a life will only make us lose the sense of emergency and apathetic to things happening around us. I know you would probably think that I'm getting rebellious. You may even think that I'm out to create trouble. But, Dad, I'm already 38 years old and I hope to have my own mind. I do not wish to be so afraid of your authority that I would always live under your care and supervision, too weak to stand on my own two feet. Dad, I also do not understand why it is that although I'm above 21, every movie that I watch is still subject to your censorship. You would snip off segments of a film which you think would corrupt public morals. It's as though if you do not, my mind will be corrupted and our family will no longer be cohesive. Dad, do you not believe that I have the ability to differentiate between right and wrong and will not be easily swayed by those movies? Isn't it ironic that you think I'm capable of killing enemies on the battlefields at the age of 18 and yet will not allow me to watch a complete and uncensored controversial film when I'm 21? After all, movies reflect reality. Must we hide behind the reality of life? Recently, a cousin died during military training. I do not understand why you tell us the truth only a few months later. I still remember that you simply told us that he had died but not the suspicious circumstances surrounding his death. This is just like you - telling us the truth only when things can no longer be kept under wraps. Cousin's death is a good example. Dad, although it is unwise to wash dirty linen in public, the fact that we are family means we should be frank with each other. Don't treat us like kids, can you? If you do love me, free me from your embrace, allow my mind to roam freely and give me greater space for expression. I may not fly high, I may even fall as a result, but at least I would be able to experience the real world and try my very best. Dad, let me experience the true free world. Always loving you, Siew Choo ·The writer is a reporter of Lianhe Zaobao
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亲爱的爸爸： 感谢你这38年来对我所做的一切，因为有你，我才有今天的成就。 爸爸，你知道吗，因为你的父威，我一直都不敢向你面对面说出心里话。这次，我也是鼓起了很大的勇气才写这封信。我不知道写后，你会做出怎样的反应，我只不过想让你了解我心中的话。 我知道你做什么都是为我好，不过爸爸，你知道吗，你是否有察觉我们之间有代沟，你越来越不了解我，你爱我的方式也不是我所需要的。 从小，你就害怕我会变坏，便制定了许多严苛的规则要我遵从。我还记得几个月前，美国哥哥殴打伊拉克小弟，我们几个孩子看不过眼，想要抗议。你说不好，说我们家庭成员对这件事各持己见，若我们抗议，会破坏家中的和气与团结，外头的人对我们的印象也会大打折扣。 爸爸，我不明白，搞个小型的抗议就真的不好吗？你的孩子只是想为自己的立场站起来表态罢了。我们的家庭真的要如此“风平浪静”吗？我只觉得太安逸的生活只会让我们做子女的欠缺危机感，因而对周遭环境也表现得漠不关心。 我知道你会觉得我是越来越叛逆了，可能还会觉得我想造反。不过爸爸，我已经38岁了，我渴望思想的奔放，不希望永远因为害怕你的父威，而活在你的庇荫之中，软弱地站不起来。 爸爸，我也不明白，为何我已经过了21岁，可是我所看的每一部电影，都必须经过你的审查。你认为伤风败俗的片段，你就把它剪掉，好像你不剪，我的思想就会被那些电影片段给污化，家中的凝聚力也会被破坏。 爸爸，你难道不相信我已经有辨别是非的能力，不会那么轻易地被那些电影片段给影响。我觉得很可笑，18岁时，你认为我能上战场杀敌，可是过了21岁，你却仍不肯让我看一部完整、具争议性的电影。何况，电影也是体现现实的表现，难道我们就要躲在现实背后吗？ 最近，表哥因军训而意外死亡。我一直都不满意你为何拖了几个月后，才把事情的真相告诉我们。我记得事情发生时，你只是向我们子女简单地交代说他去世了，却没告诉我们他的死因可疑。 你总是这样，总是等到纸包不住火的地步，才向我坦白。表哥的死因就是最好的例子。 爸爸，虽然家丑不可外扬，不过我们是一家人，任何事情都应该坦白。请别把我当小孩般看，行吗？爱我就应该放开你的怀抱，让我的思想展翅翱翔，让我有更大的说话空间。我可能飞不高，也可能跌倒，不过我至少能真正感觉这世界，至少我曾尝试过。 爸爸，让我去感觉那不经过消毒的真自由世界吧！ 永远爱你的孩子， 秀茱上 ·作者是《联合早报》记者
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