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A colleague of mine got married two years ago but still has no plan of starting a family. Work remains her greatest source of pride. She spends 12 hours a day in the office every day and work is all that she talks about when she meets her friends occasionally. However, her competence at work does not extend to household chores which her husband does without complaint. I work seven days a week. Chatting with friends over the Internet in the dead of night is probably my only pastime. Work keeps me so busy that I have no time for my family and friends, not to mention getting hitched and starting my own family. There is nothing really wrong about having a hectic but fulfilling work life. However, Prime Minister Goh Chok Tong disclosed recently that response to measures to boost the national birthrate had not reaped the expected results. In addition, the number of singles had gone up. As a result, my friend and I seem to have become “enemies of the people” and “culprits” by causing the government a big headache and putting national survival in jeopardy. As the issues have to do with the survival of the nation, the press has been running articles penned by concerned citizens on why young people are not getting married and reproducing themselves. Apart from criticisms and exhortations, some writers have also made suggestions to address the problems in the hope that Singapore will continue to prosper. I cannot help but wonder if the suggestions are workable. As Mr Goh has said, the view of young people on marriage and family has changed. Even a more comprehensive package or a more generous baby bonus scheme will not make the better eduacated change their priority on career development and economic pursuit. The friend who I mentioned earlier, for example, invariably uses either “no time” or “I don't need money” in response to friends who are concerned that it is time for her to start a family. Another friend of mine, who is still childless after five years of marriage, enjoys thoroughly the freedom of life without the burden of children and has no wish to change the status quo. This is an indication that some young couples may opt to remain childless as they are worried about problems such as financial strain, nurturing and education. Of course, there are also those who have had it hard in life and do not wish to have children who may also “suffer” like them. I am not sure what unmarried men think about marriage. But I have seen some young women who wasted much time before they realised that they were no longer young and that few eligible men were left in their circles. Besides, women who are capable have no problem carving a niche for themselves in this time and age. Gone were the days when they had to depend on men. Seeking a life partner has become a matter of choice for women, not a fate that they are resigned to. As for the meaning of life, it hinges on what conclusions one draws from one's own life experience. It is strictly a personal matter. Can someone else judge or decide what is good for you? And you can try telling singles the joys of marriage and having children, but they will have to experience it to be convinced. In short, they are unlikely to rush into marriage and babies. Government incentives are only temporary but some personal decisions are meant for life. Some have predicted that marriage and procreation must be linked to issues such as loyalty. People will have to make a small sacrifice for the sake of the nation. The idea makes me feel a sense of grievance. I am single but I love my country. Still, I'd rather remain single than settle for someone incompatible. Did we not advocate eugenics some years back? How can I be accused of being disloyal when I am just waiting for someone on the same wavelength? I am well aware of the dire consequences of fertility falling below the replacement rate in the long run. But human life is short while life and growth in the universe continue endlessly. Our ideas and views are not static but will change with the times. For young Singaporeans who are preoccupied with making a living or establishing a career, other things can be placed on the back burner. But what happens when they have more or less satisfied all their basic material needs? When they can no longer enjoy the warmth of kinship, would they still advocate personal freedom? When work achievements are no longer the be all and end all of life, getting married and having children may perhaps become a desire that they will not turn their back on again. ·The writer is a senior education officer. Translated by Yap Gee Poh.
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有个同事前年结婚了，目前尚无生育计划，工作仍旧是她生活里最得意的项目；办公室是她一天花去二分之一时间的地方，偶尔和大伙儿聊天谈的都是工作。她的行政能力超强，处理家务却不如她那任劳任怨的先生。 我呢，一周工作七天，夜深人静时以文字和网友打情骂俏，其余时间却因公务而忙得没有和家人、老友话家常的闲功夫，更别说去经营感情、组织家庭。 日子忙碌而充实，本来也没什么不好，但最近吴作栋总理透露，一系列的鼓励生育措施反应不佳，单身人士越来越多；于是我们似乎都成为了人民“公敌”、政府最感头痛的目标、国家可能无法生存的“罪魁祸首”。 事关国家存亡，当然非同小可；所以这些天翻阅报章，总见关心国家前途者发微言以成大义，认真地分析年轻人不结婚生子之因，甚至满怀热诚地提供对策，期盼国家永远昌盛、繁荣。然而，同声谴责也好，苦口婆心也罢，作为“当事人”的我实在质疑这些建议的成效。 其实，诚如吴总理所言，我们的年轻人对婚姻和家庭的观念改变了。再完善的配套、再丰厚的花红也恐难动摇受过较高教育的人对经济和事业成果的重视。例如我上面提过的同事，她总以“没有时间”以及“我不缺钱”来敷衍周围关心她肚皮的好心人。 另一名结婚五年膝下犹虚的朋友也对眼下自由自在、不受孩子牵绊的生活感到十分满意，不愿意有任何的改变；这也说明了有些年轻夫妇担心经济吃紧，也忧虑照顾以及教育孩子的问题而选择过两人世界。当然，走过一路风雨而不愿“制造下一代以致他们也受苦”的也大有人在。 再说结婚问题。我不清楚未婚男性的想法，但我所看到的情况是，有些女性在年轻一点的时候蹉跎了岁月，年华老去时才惊觉未婚的好男人已经所剩无几了。 再说，现代经济结构让有工作能力的女性找到自己的一片天，颠覆了过去必须仰赖男性而活的定律，于是和另一个人携手共老就成了女性同胞的一种人生选择，再也不是无可奈何的出路。 而人生价值的领略，是反刍自己生命经验的结晶，是属于每个人自己的事，旁人如何判断何种选择为优？何况相夫教子的乐趣可以口耳相传，无法感同身受，当然更无法草率行事。 政府所提供的许多好处是一时的，有些个人决定却是一辈子的事。有人预言，结婚生子的决定势必要和国家效忠等相关课题联想在一起，成为牺牲小我的选项之一。 我突然感到很委屈，我单身，但是我很爱国；我爱国，但是我也宁缺勿滥。若干年前不是倡议优生学吗？那么我在等待一个在思想层次上可以沟通的伴又是哪门子的不爱国行为？ 其实，我当然了解人口替代不足在一段时日之后将为我国带来多大的麻烦；但是人生在世，匆匆数十寒暑，宇宙世界却是周而复始、生生不息的。许多观念、想法与时俱移，不可能亘古不变。 目前年轻国人为生活而劳碌奔波，为求生存的需要而有了各自看世界的眼睛，但是当有一天大家的物欲都已经基本满足了呢？当大家都失去家庭温暖的时候，我们还会崇尚个人自由吗？当事业成就再也满足不了我们对人生的追求时，结婚生子就可能成为一种义无反顾的需要了。 ·作者是本地资深教育工作者
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