Improving Sentences

Dr Tan,

　　Could you point out the mistakes in the following sentences?

　　(1) Parent should imbue their children with love in their early age.

　　(2) Her friends wish Mary career culminate in success in the future of her life.

　　(3) The show has reached the climax in the story.

　　(4) Sue Lian bought a miniature of Great Wall in Beijing.

　　(5) Her reaction on this matter stupefied me.

　　(6) Please keep yourself fit, your muscle is flabby.（can I use sag instead of flabby?）

　　(7) We will not hold your payment unnecessarily.

May May,

　　All your seven sentences can be further improved.

　　For (1), the subject 'parent' should be made plural 'parents' or better, turned into adjective'parental'. Besides, the verb 'imbue' often appears in the passive form; hence the modification of the whole structure: "Children should be imbued with parental love in their early age."

　　In (2), the verb pattern of 'wish' is wrong and the sentence is tedious. Suggested change:”Mary's friends wish her a great success in her future career.”

　　Sentence (3) refers to the whole 'show' that 'has reached the climax'. Logically, it should be a certain episode, especially the 'final episode', that does this. Hence the re-phrasing of the sentence:"The story has reached the climax in the final episode."

　　Sentence (4) is OK. You can, however, use 'miniature' as an adjective and make the sentence more concise: "Sue Lian bought a miniature Great Wall in Beijing."

　　The preposition in sentence (5) is wrong, In this context, it should be 'to' instead of 'on'. The verb 'stupefied' is vivid, but it is better used in the passive form. Otherwise, replace it with 'surprised/shocked/amazed', as in (i) Her reaction to this matter surprised me. (ii) I was stupefied by her reaction to this matter. You may further improve the meaning of the sentence by adding a negative adjective to the noun 'reaction'; that is, “Her indifferent/negative/hostile reaction to this matter...”

　　No. (6) is a run-on sentence. You can either change the punctuation mark or the sentence structure. Besides, make the noun 'muscle' plural. You can therefore get (i) Please keep yourself fit; your muscles are flabby. (ii) Please keep yourself fit, as your muscles are flabby. For better English, place the adverb clause of reason before the main clause and strengthen the main clause: "As your muscles are flabby, please be sure to keep yourself fit." As for the word 'sag', your may replace 'flabby' with 'saggy', but the former is a better word choice.

　　The verb 'hold 'in sentence (7) can be made clearer by changing it to 'withhold', 'retain' or 'keep back'.

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